To a friend who's husband may be facing a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer

I sent the following message to a friend who is concerned about her husband. They're currently going through the process of trying to get a diagnosis, and don't really know for sure if it's cancer, just a spot, or what:

I apologize in advance... i hate unsolicited advice, and It's really not my place... but... here I am... offering it.

More than 4 years ago... when my dad was in a similar situation to what you've described with your husband, and before we knew anything, there are a few things that I really wish that I would have known. Out of my own issues in still dealing with that entire process, I wanted to pass them along to you.

First of all... no matter how the tests turn out or what they tell you, and before you do anything, get a second opinion. Go at least as far away as the Med Center in Omaha. They've got a good oncology center. Even better, there are at least 2 centers with pancreatic oncology specialists who would be great to to talk to. Even if, initially, it's just over the phone for advice on where to go, or what to do.
http://www.cancer.mgh.harvard.edu/cancer_surgonc_clininvest_pancreatic.html
http://www.bestdoctors.com/en/askadoctor/a/abbruzzese/jlabbruzzese_080100.htm
or maybe any of the people who present at a conference like this:
http://www.aacr.org/2004pancreatic1.asp
With the really scary cancers or other diseases, it's absolutely best to talk to the experts.

Assuming the worst, pancreatic cancer (but hoping that it's absolutely nothing)...

Whatever statistics they give you... look at them carefully (or don't look at them at all). For example, the statistics they gave us for survivability, etc (for Kidney Cancer)... were waaay off. They were based on data that was collected back in the late 1970's and early 1980's. Oncology as a whole has progressed leaps and bounds since almost any of the "survivability" statistics were collected, and the stats they give you will basically do nothing other than scare the crap out of people... I seriously have no idea why they even try to present them to patients and their families.

I know that it's dire, and terrifying, and seems like you have to react immediately – but these things really don't grow overnight. You have at least a little time before you have to do anything (no matter what the doctors say). Furthermore, remember that the treatments for cancer are often just as dangerous as the disease itself... don't rush into anything because you're feeling pressure. Sit down as a family and discuss it.

You have time to shop around for someone who really knows what they're doing. You have time to find a true expert that will really do everything currently possible to make sure that treatment starts out in the absolute best way. In our situation, for example, the doctor who performed the initial surgery on dad missed a big tumor that really impacted the rest of his life, and caused so many complications. I strongly believe that if they would have caught that big tumor that was hiding during the initial surgery... the outcome may have changed radically for my dad.

One other thing that I think would have helped my family as a whole... would have been for us all to have gotten counseling... together (or both together and individual). This kind of diagnosis is a huge stressor in your lives, and it's mountains of nasty garbage to deal with. Generally, I think that people need help... even if it's just gentle reminders, to remember that they're not alone, and that they need to deal with these pressures in the most positive way that is possible.

It can't seem like it, but I'm hoping that there's at least one advantage here. From what I know about pancreatic cancer, it's like kidney cancer... most people who have it don't find out until it's begun to present symptoms... and by then it is probably too late. The fact that you've caught it before it manifested itself in any way puts you miles ahead of most patients.